Where I'm at.

This fall and winter have been hard. 

 

We are in deep mourning and often times in survival mode.  We have done our best to choose joy though.  In the midst of missing Norah immensely we do our best to honor her by making the best of each day.  Sometimes we succeeded... sometimes not. 

 

I'm sure as time passes we will get even better at living each day to it's fullest.  I feel strongly that wallowing in my grief does not honor Norah at all. This does not mean that I don't still cry every day nor does it mean that I don't ache with every ounce of my soul for my sweet angel baby.  It doesn't mean that I don't want to curl up and hide in my bed many days... because I do.  It does mean that I choose smile and find happiness every day and I get out of bed even when I don't want to.  I choose to honor my little north star by trying to find my way back to the carefree and fun Mom that I was before.  I've experienced the trauma of saying goodbye to one of my children in this life... it changed me.  That is ok.  I hope that those changes will transform with time to me being a more gentle, patient, caring and empathetic woman.  Right now though my living children need their happy Mother back. 

 

I do think it is good for them to see me grieve for their sister but they also need to see my heart heal as well.  My children need to see me choosing a life of joy so that they will know that they can too.  For this reason I really want to get back to the original purpose and spirit of this blog by posting something each day (or at least more often than every few months!☺)  that helps me feel:

 
 Happy, Grateful, Reflective, Humbled, Warm, Joyful, Cheery, Pleased, Fortunate, Optimistic, Lucky, Content, Renewed, Positive.

 

I may also sometimes even go ahead and write down some of the rambling thoughts that pass through my head. 

I am going to do a quick photo recap of the past couple of months for documentation/journaling purposes. 

 

Fall 2013 - Winter 2014

 

Dave had another birthday! Sam likes to take his shirt off all the time lately... he's a stripper.

Our local theatre had a festival.  Sam rode a horse and LOVED it! Don't worry there was someone right next to him the whole time.  I just cropped them out.

More fall fun top L-R: We went and had a fun day downtown SLC, cute cousins with a friendly rivalry, best buds on a walk (ride) and tailgating on game day!

At the pumpkin patch.

Decorating pumpkins and cookies with cousins!

 

Maybe one of my all time favorite shots.  Pure joy on a fall walk. 

 

Fun day at Lagoon

Halloween 2014

Sam had two costumes, this was by FAR my favorite... ever!  He's got "skills!"

 

Football games with the guy I love.

James earned his yellow belt.  SO proud of him!

 

Top left to right:  Went to a remembrance walk and let a balloon go for Norah.  James and Sam getting a private karate lesson... Sam was in Heaven! Sam giving me a foot rub.  Sam and I liked to go spend time with at Norah's grave on warm days.  Ella and her bestie started basketball. 

 

I snapped these with my phone at IKEA.  I love how they turned out.

We made these cute turkeys for thanksgiving... we ran out of "feathers" and brown frosting so some had to be chickens.

I made a tree for the Festival of trees in honor of Norah.  It was silver and gold and covered in stars.  I LOVED making this tree and it was very healing for me.  The best part is my Mom and Dad bought it for us so we got to bring it home! 

I took my Ella bug on a grown up date to see "Catching Fire".  She loved it.

A favorite moment this year.  All my lovies decorating the tree with my angel looking on. 

We went to our local light festival.

My cute little man had his first guitar recital... he was awesome!

I love spending my days with this character while big brother and sister are at school. 

Had a great date with James to see "Cloudy with a chance of meatballs 2".

 

I can hardly believe it but this little guy turned 2!  He had a GREAT day!

Dave's work ugly sweater party. We are pretty special. 

Christmas is almost here!  Top L-R: The kids with Santa. James playing the guitar at the family party.  All 6 stockings hung (I wasn't sure I was going to make Norah's but while we were decorating James asked me, "Mom, have you finished Norah's stocking yet?  I started it that day.) Sam and "C' shirtless at the family party.  Ella played Joseph in the nativity and James played a wise man.

I turned 35.  I kind of hated my birthday this year.  I hated turning a year older knowing that my baby would never get to celebrate a birthday.  I know that won't be how I feel every year but that's what I felt this year.  There was some good that day though.  Dave gave me this gorgeous pink sapphire necklace (Sapphire is Norah's birthstone) from Tiffany's (Ive never had anything from them before!)  It is tiny, perfect and pink... just like my baby girl.  I absolutely adore it!  He spoils me. 

We lit up Norah's grave on Christmas eve.  It was both sweet and hard as we realized we are part of the cemetery crowd.  There were a lot of families there that night and a lot of beautiful lights honoring loved ones.  It is something I hope we'll do each year.

We got home from the cemetery and the kids opened their traditional PJ's and ornament.  The favorite gifts of Christmas were Sam's "Ka-Chow" car and Ella and James's tablets. It was a good Christmas.  Funny story, Sam got a "Nemo" ornament on Christmas eve.  The next morning he didn't even notice the pile of gifts.  He ran into the room and immediately climbed over all the gifts to get his precious "Nemo!"

Fun day at boondocks.  I love this shot because you can see how much Sammy ADORES his big brother.  I look a mess though!

Pete and I went to "Good things Utah" because they were featuring our products.  It was so much fun.  Maybe next time I'll decide to go on air instead of accidentally dropping things and making too much noise backstage! 

If you are curious about our AWESOME products just click the link below.

Bookjigs and Miro

*I fixed the link... it is working now. 

My sweet amazing Ella turned 10... how did that happen!?  A whole decade just flew by.  Ella is hilarious and wanted a "Mustache" themed party.  She also wanted to play "minute to win it" games.  It was so fun!

We had a fun photo booth at the party too.

This kid is one of a kind.  Top to bottom:  He loves his PIXAR movies and all of his "Friends".  This is the one and only time he has ever fallen asleep at a meal... the rest of us enjoyed a nice peaceful dinner haha!  Sam doesn't have a security blanket or anything.  He sucks his middle fingers and LOVES to be touching skin.  He's a beautiful little weirdo.

Also I cut my hair off and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it.  I don't know why I ever grow it out because I love having short hair.